NegCap Submissions Policy

In the past few years, I’ve gotten dozens of submissions of everything from artwork to poetry and while I am often flattered that people think that they can find fame and fortune through my zine, the sad truth is, if it hasn’t happened for me, it definitely won’t happen for you through my zine.

In 2001 my zine won an award from Writer’s Digest’s Zine Awards contest. The prize was $100 worth of books from their publishing arm, a free subscription (and all the junk mail that comes with it because all magazines are cocksuckers who sell your name to every jerkoff in the world) and a mention in the pages of WD. Unfortunately, the prizes were all equally worthless and the whole experience pissed me off like you would not believe. A few weeks later I got a letter from them saying that they wanted me to be listed in 2002 Novel & Short Story Writer's Market. I thought it was odd, but I figured if they put me in the book, maybe someone else would check out my zine and this site. I realize now that it was a mistake because just like my mention in the pages of that piece of shit rag Writer’s Digest, the only people reading it are sad, desperate people who think they are the next Stephen King or John Grisham and the only thing standing between them and fame is their name printed in my stupid zine. I feel bad for them and I think Writer’s Digest and all magazines like it are transparent scams designed to separate the dreamers from their money.

I know I’m getting off topic, but I know from experience that if you want to get published in a major magazine, you have to have an agent, and most agents won’t take you unless you’ve done something. The other route is to be friends with an editor who can pitch your story ideas, but the truth is, there are a billion writers (most of them bad but they don’t know it) and a hundred markets, and like 10 of them who will pay you anything decent. I have been publishing my zine since 1997 and I’m neither rich nor famous, and I don’t expect to be anytime soon. But I am published, because I published myself. And people like my work. Not a lot of people, but enough for me to feel like I’ve accomplished something.

On the form for the 2002 N&S Market book, I wrote the following stuff:

What does your magazine specialize in?

"Submissions must make me laugh out loud, be unique in style and tone and must offend someone, even me. Find your own voice. Take chances and risks. Do not be afraid to fail."

This is also true because everything Natasha, Juli and Lurky wrote made me laugh out loud, but they really got in because they’re my friends and I like what they do. But no strangers will ever get published because I don’t think anyone else out there can do the kinds of things that they do.

I know that a lot of people (maybe even you) will read my listing and think they have what I am looking for, but I know you don’t. I have only published one submission so far, “The Only Good Job is a Blow Job,” in Negative Capability #4. It was written by a very old friend of mine who is probably insane and ought to be in jail. it was a lot of work to make it something coherent, but it was good enough for me to publish.

If you are a talented writer and are thumbing through a book about the writing market, searching for a place to send your submission, do yourself a favor and save yourself the postage. Publish it yourself. Write it, edit it, get pictures yourself, print it and sell it. You don’t need anyone to validate you and you definitely aren’t going to make any money or get any fame by having a short story published by the Pine Cone Journal in Wisconsin because nobody fucking reads that shit anyway. And if you only write sensitive poetry, please, for the love of god, please stop because it’s a waste of paper.

I am sorry if this short spiel has left you feeling disappointed, but I really do have a great deal of empathy for you because I too was a miserable unpublished writer for a long, long time. I also sent out hundreds of short stories, essays, reviews and other wonderfully insightful pieces and I was rejected 99% of the time, usually by being ignored. The 1% of people who responded were either liars or total frauds, and none of the people I ever found from Writer’s Digest or any other book every published anything I ever wrote. I have written for dozens of magazines and zines since then, but it was only because they had already read my zine. So my advice to you is to publish your own work, send it out, trade it, sell it wherever they sell stuff like that, and eventually you will be able to find your audience before you go crazy.

If you want to do a zine and publish your own stuff, you should read my essay on the subject because it’s useful and funny. Click here to check it out. Thanks for reading this and NOT submitting your work.