Negative Capability #1
This section should be pretty short-lived as I only have 24 copies left of NegCap #1, all signed, numbered and dated 2004. I had 25 but my old friend the Junkie came back into my life and I felt like he deserved to see what I had written about him, so he got one of the last 25. When the remaining copies are gone, this section will just have the info about it and say “sold out.” Because there are so few copies left, I only want to sell them to people who really want it. There were only 1,000 copies made, my distros destroyed about 40% of them, I sold about half of them and the rest were given away in trade, for review or as samples for stores and distros. I thought I sold out of this issue four years ago but in the course of moving I found a secret stash sealed in a box. These are the last 24 that will ever be offered, so they are $30 each. After they are gone, that’s the end and this page will just say SOLD OUT, so if you are a fan and want to get a piece of history while you can, order now. The table of contents and a few choice reviews are below.
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Take My Word For It
A list of things I really dig, with hyperlinks where relevant. You know, I decided it was time to post this, so I did. Click here to check it out, okay?
Let Me Warn You
The most viciously funny grammar lesson ever written. It has received high praise from teachers, students, pedophiles and anyone who has to regularly review zines. You may think you can spell and use proper grammar, but odds are, you're fucking something up pretty hard on a regular basis. I may post it, even though it's a classic, just because most people are so stupid it's scary. Essential material for 90% of the online world.
The Porno Movie Name Game
Some funny movie titles for porno movies that parody mainstream films, like "Joanie Loves Chachi becomes Bonie Loves Crotchie ," and "Alien: Resurrection becomes Al & His Big Erection ."
My Best Friend Is A Junkie!
The most popular story so far and the personal favorites of Scott Huffines of Atomic Books and James, president of POPsmear . It is the true story of how my best friend of eight years threw his life down the toilet. It also gives my long and positive history with drugs in hysterical, minute and exhaustive detail. Includes an awesome picture of Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble doing whippets out of balloons.
I Enjoy Being A Girl or, Sensitivity Corner
About my love affair with "monkeys," my term for sentient stuffed animals. It also includes the only poem I will probably ever publish, and it's really cute!
How To Tell If It's Time To Get Married
How To Tell If It's Time To Run Like Hell
A simple list of warning signs that it's either time to make the commitment or bolt for the door.
More Savant Than Idiot
My lengthy and very funny story of being on MTV's game show Idiot Savants . You'll be pleased to know that like all my stories, it has a happy ending.
Isn’t That Embarrassing?
Pictures and funny captions featuring Hitler in shorts, David Duchovny wearing nothing but a teacup, Nixon bowling, Larry King's mug shot and my favorite, Charles Grodin without that dead squirrel on his head.
Just To Prove A Point
A declaration of intent along with a picture of me. Sure it's gay, but it's my fucking zine, honey.
My Life As A Pedophile/Bisexual/Fitness Instructor/Porn Star
Online hijinks where I assumed a number of identities, all in search of a good time. Also includes some great transcripts of horny idiots, plus a shot of a nice ass and Jenna Jameson gets buck wild.
The Eighth And Ninth Circles of Hell
Psychotic attacks on all the evil in the world, from (fucking moron) Michael Jordan to Anne Rice and wiggers. Required reading for budding misanthropes.
Cover This
The extensive reviews section, covering only tribute CDs and cover albums. Includes reviews of everything from Grateful Dead tributes to punk covers of AM classics to alternative covers of cartoon themes and Schoolhouse Rock! I finally decided to post this, but in the Everything Else section, for a reason which currently escapes me. You can check it out by clicking here.
Photos
Some pictures of New York City landmarks and Gus, the psychotic polar bear from the Central Park Zoo.
How You Know They’re 100% Wrong
First in a long series of pictures with commentary making fun of wacky Christians and other assholes who are dead fucking wrong.
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