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Karoshi, Book 2
After I got fired by Bonaduce, I didn’t know what to do to with myself. I felt like I had spent the last year accepting the idea of having a career instead of a job. I had worked hard to establish a reputation as a hard worker and a team player. In an instant, everything I had worked for was gone forever. I did what I always did in times of crisis, I slept in, smoked a lot of weed, watched a lot of TV, and wrote as much as I could. I had a lot of serious anger to deal with, but I am over it now. I really feel different now, like I've shed the skin that has those wounds and I’m clean and whole again. I am sorry I am such a faggot sometimes, but I can’t help it, it’s my nature. I’m really the opposite of gay, I like girls, but hey, I own the behavior, as Dr. Phil would remind me.
I divided my time between the job search and my second issue, with the balance of my energy focused on networking. I had always fallen into jobs and with the exception of the first answering service and Milton, I had never gotten a job from a classified ad. I sent out copies of my first issue with letters to anyone involved in the world of zines. I figured if I was going to be a complete failure in the legitimate world, I could at least aim for success in the underground.
The first zine that I ever saw was John Kelly’s XYY and it changed me in some subtle way. It was a silly smorgasbord of jokes and ideas that didn’t take itself seriously. At the time, I had never heard the word “zine” and thought that that XYY was just a small, local magazine, even though it didn’t have ads and did have plenty of curses. I decided to find out if it was still publishing and trade with its maker. I found John Kelly pretty easily because he had done a few interviews that were online and even though the zine was long defunct, he was still interested in talking about. He was very flattered that I remembered his zine and was inspired by it and we developed a friendly e-mail relationship.
He told me that he was currently working for Columbia University’s law school, in charge of both publications and public relations, which I thought was a cool gig. I always wonder how people that I think of as degenerate fuck-ups like me make it in the real world, because I used to think I’d be doing a shitty McJob until I dropped dead without insurance or savings. The truth is that most people stumble into shit without much of a game plan, so why should I have any idea what I am doing? He said that they had just completed a brand-new building a few blocks from his current office and he was going to be moving into much nicer digs. He asked if I was available to help him move, which I thought was kind of a weird question. I was unemployed and coming toward the end of my unemployment benefits, so I was up for anything.
I had to take 3 different subways for 40 minutes and then walk another 15 minutes, but I found it. I also discovered Tom’s Restaurant, which is the real place that they used as the exterior of Monk’s on Seinfeld. They always shoot it to obscure the “Tom’s” but it was cool to see a landmark that I had always wondered about. John and I hit it off immediately and I helped him move for a couple of days. Then he asked me to help him with designing a newsletter. Then he asked me if I was available to come work for him and I said that I was.
John was a wonderfully strange guy who would often say the most outlandish things with a straight face. I really thought he was wearing the best social mask because underneath it, when no one was around, he was a very interesting guy. I doubt he would even disagree, though he might believe that the normal part of his personality is the “real” guy and the wacky one just came out around people like me. I became his right-hand man. The only real downside to the job was that I had to use a PC and I fucking hate PCs. I love Macs and people will always give me shit about it, but come on, you know Windows sucks. If you are a Unix geek, my apologies, sensei.
I got to meet a lot of the law professors and John decided to revive a long abandoned monthly gazette for faculty and students, which is the kind of gig that I often specialize in. I wrote and edited stories about professors and scholarships and the kind of insular crap that you have to work there to care about. Nothing I am proud of, but nothing I am ashamed of.
There wasn’t always a lot of work, so during the fallow periods, I would chat with whoever was available. One guy I spent a lot of time talking to was my friend Kris Kane, who used to do some zines called Retard and Universal Citizen. We both shared a very sick sense of humor and he would do his best to send me links and images meant to repulse. If he sent a particularly good one, I would save it to a hidden directory on the drive so I could burn a disc later.
John gave me a raise, health insurance and he said I should join the union. It would mean an instant raise and a lot more benefits, which sounded great. I had never been in a union before but I like money. When we first moved into the new building, we shared a small office but my desk was perpendicular to his, so he never saw what I was up to. I also thought he was even more of a freak than I could ever be, he just hid it better. After a few weeks, he got the entire office next door, so he moved over and left me alone in the bigger office. He had a couple of interns that loved him, they were like an all-Asian Charlie’s Angels of law students. They were all enjoying their summer internships because working for John was pretty low-pressure.
John asked me to find someone to help me out with the workload as it grew and I immediately thought of my best friend Peter. He is the one friend I have that I have never had a fight with and it’s not because he’s afraid of me. When I called him, he said he was looking for something and we agreed that he could start the next Friday.
Peter showed up early, did a great job and impressed John. I was psyched that I was going to get to work with Peter. After work that first day, he wanted to hook up with his girlfriend who worked down in Soho but got off later. To kill an hour while she finished work, we enjoyed the company’s T1 (this was still the days of dial-up). When we got bored with that, I remembered all those pictures that Kris had sent me. I spent 10 minutes trying to find them but when I did, Peter closed the door and we sat back to enjoy the freak show. There were some that were just vile, some from rotten.com of death and dismemberment, maybe a hermaphrodite or two, I don’t remember. After the show we split and I said I would need him to come back on the following Tuesday at 10AM.
Over the weekend I got the flu and was sick in bed both days. I was still too sick to make it to work, so I called in sick for the first time with John. He could tell I was really sick and he wished me a speedy recovery. I started to feel better by that night I was there bright and early the next day. When I got to work, John came into my office and told me to follow him into his office. He looked like he had seen a ghost.
the rest of the story is coming to the print version....
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