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NegCap #2 continued my tradition of finding someone to help me with the cover who would later turn out to be a huge douchebag. This time, when I was looking to do the cover, I wanted to shoot a picture of Lurky and my other monkeys roasting a Rosie O’Donnell doll over a spit. I used to like Rosie, even if that is hard to believe. I thought she was a good stand-up and she was very funny as the host of Stand-up Spotlight on VH1 many years ago. I always knew she was a diesel dyke, but that never bothered me. She is also from Commack, Long Island, which is the next town over from where I grew up. As soon as she started acting, I disliked her and when she got her own talk show, I started to hate her. It was not because she was bland and boring, but because I could see that she was a big, mean, butch lesbian who was *pretending* to be a nice, sweet person. I have no problem with her politics, her adopting kids, her marrying a woman or her being a big fat loser. The thing that really burns me is that she convinced people that she was a sweet, caring person, and all of the lawsuits and stories from her staff have shown that she's a mean-spiriting, petty, self-righteous, arrogant cunt. It would be like if Hitler did a variety show where he acted all nice and expected everyone to believe that. Fuck her.
So anyway, I went to college with a guy named Jeffery (his spelling) Price, who was a pretty nice guy. When I was a sophomore I starred in a student film that was shot at Jeff's house in Bainbridge, NY, which is in the middle of nowhere. After college, we lost touch, but years later, I ran into him in a bar in Manhattan and we picked up right where we left off. He had become a respected photographer, working for Jim Henson and many others. When I told him my idea for the cover, he loved it and wanted to be a part of it.
I went down to his apartment, we built a set in his bedroom, and then the drugs began. We smoked a lot of really strong weed out of a modified honey bear, then left his place to gather some raw materials. We found sticks, weeds and rocks and brought them back to complete the set. After we shot some test Polaroids, we loaded up the expensive film to do the real shoot. Unfortunately, all of the “professional” shots that Jeff took came out incredibly dark and tinted red and only one of the Polaroids that I took came out, so I had to spend $90 to get the Polaroid drum-scanned. It was such a pain in the ass.
Then, after I had spent time cleaning up that image and making it usable, I started working on Misfit Toys, the audiozine I did with my friend Peter Lopez. For the cover of that CD, I wanted to shoot a picture of my Yukon Cornelius doll doing Hermie from Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer to illustrate why they were “misfit toys.” I bought one of each doll, which was a huge pain in the ass because they were limitied edition dolls and were available for only a week each leading up to Christmas. I gave my dolls to Jeff with the idea that I would come over that weekend and we would shoot the cover of the CD. After that, he literally disappeared.
He didn’t return my phone calls. He ignored my e-mails. I even contacted mutual friends and nothing I did could reach him. He basically stole my dolls and then disappeared. Then I had to go to eBay and buy new dolls at an inflated price and Peter and I shot the cover ourselves. We ended up shooting dozens of different variations and ended up coming back to the butt-fucking picture, which was what we used. Three years later I finally heard from Jeff, who thought it was funny that he had stolen my dolls and disappeared. After a few heated e-mails, I convinced him to return the dolls. It still took me another three months to get the stupid dolls back and when they arrived, they were dirty and damaged, so I am not friends with Jeff anymore either. Fuck him.
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