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Loose Ends
I'm glad you're checking out this stuff because it means you care. Here's a fucking disturbing picture to put you in the right frame of mind. This image courtesy of the lovely and talented Julibug Saitz, the queen of quite a lot. Hi, bug!
Garth Brooks
Garth Brooks is the best-selling recording artist of all time, eclipsing the Beatles in the pantheon of popular music. This may not mean much to you, but I find it very alarming mostly because I cannot name even one song by Garth Brooks. I'm proud that I can't, but what does it say about the world that this fat, balding, adulterous vomit in tight jeans and a smelly hat is the MOST POPULAR SINGER OF ALL TIME? I have a modest proposal to prevent Garth's ascension. We have to find a way to disturb people so much that they simply stop buying his records and destroy the ones they already have. Your choices are: a) Kill him in a way that will upset people, such as electrocuting him by attaching a cow heart to his genitals and attaching wires to the heart to fry him through his dick, essentially; b) Nuke the south as well as the midwest and any other pockets where the mean number of teeth people have is less than 10 (this gets my vote, if only because it will reduce the human population on Earth and stop Garth in one fell swoop); c) Frame him for a heinous crime, like molesting a baby that has cancer. Sorry, that was across the line.
Native Americans
If Native Americans ran the world, it would be a cleaner, nicer, healthier, friendlier place to live. The environment would be in great shape, there'd be plenty of animals left and lord knows our rivers wouldn't be flammable. There'd be more liquor, though, to be sure. I'm sure they'd sell peyote buttons over the counter like zinc lozenges and there would be more songs on the radio that featured chanting and drums.
The Lurky Dream
I had a dream about Lurky that went like this: Juli and I had a son that was really Lurky, not a human. He was walking around with a mask over his face with the face of a little kid on it. He was going around to people saying he'd been abandoned and was in desperate need of a few bucks. He was lying to all these people and tricking them into giving him money and when I tried to stop him he started screaming that he was abused and needed help. I wanted to tell people that he was lying but he said that I was mean to him and he didn't even care that I was going to get in trouble. I couldn't stop him so I left him alone.
Ugly
You think it sucks that people are judged on their looks? In every aquarium, every day, they feed ugly fish to pretty fish, because that's the way the world works. You would be my snack, if the rules were applied to people!
NYC
Living in New York City is like living the present, the further you go from the city, the further back in time you travel. Everything worth anything starts in NYC—then, it slowly filters down to the rest of the country. Fashion, music, art, even the level of acceptance of scientific discoveries, gets lower and lower as you get farther from the cities. Watching the TV show Cops is like having access to a time machine, if you ask me. Actually, Cops is like watching less-evolved versions of humans interacting, which to me, makes it a great show.
Mixed Blessing
Getting a call from your agent to be on a new television show... starring Pauly Shore.
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