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Keeping It Hard For An Hour
(NOTE: THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED, but you can click here to read about the winners and see pictures of the prizes).
The last contest was actually reasonably successful. I know for a fact that most folks never bother to read the rules, so this time, I’m going to do it the best way I know how. First, the prizes, to whet your appetite. Then, the rules, to frustrate and confuse you. Finally, I’m going to do what all women have begged me to do, keep it hard for an hour.
Prizes Include
A cellular telephone (it just needs a charger & a service provider); the Pam & Tommy Lee porno tape; the Shatner/Nimoy limited edition CD reviewed in NC1; a CD from Details; an unused shot for the cover of this issue; a Midway video about their cool video games; a pen set and a watch; a grab bag of current CDs; the following new books: the origami book & the Howard Stern book not given away from NC1, Area 51: The Dreamland Chronicles (an awesome book about what’s going on at Area 51), Dennis Miller’s The Rants, Chris Rock’s excellent Rock This!, Paul Fusell’s Doing Battle: The Making of a Skeptic, The Irreverent Guide to the Virgin Islands, The Pop Culture Aptitude Test; the audio books of Apocalypse Wow! and The 500-Year Delta; the Lara Croft CD single “Getting Naked” which has interactive stuff for your computer that was only released in France; a lifetime subscription to NC; a sealed copy of the Young Ones video with “Demolition,” “Bomb” and “Sick”; a bunch of porno movies plus a VHS tape of all of Too Much Joy’s music videos made for me by the president of the TMJ fan club; a video of my entire appearance on MTV’s game show Idiot Savants; a make-your-own teddy bear kit; a stack of cool zines you won’t find anywhere else; some original writing by me that will never appear anywhere else; some Howard Stern “Best of” audiotapes from my collection; my covers tape from NC1; videotapes of X-Files episodes and I’ll take requests; stationery sets along with Christmas ornaments, stickers and note pads; an assortment of T-shirts with various slogans; a Sony PlayStation Christmas stocking and some PlayStation games; 1.7oz.sealed package of Liz Claiborne’s perfume Vivid; a Dilbert enamel pin and whore catalogs from Las Vegas with lots of hot pictures.
The Rules
You must answer ALL QUESTIONS. If you leave off an answer to even one question, I’ll ignore your entry. I’ll also print the name of every single person who has the balls to enter, so if you want to see your name in print but can’t answer any questions, just take a wild guess at all of them. Your options: send your legible entries by snail mail to Negative Capability or by e-mail if you have access. Please make sure that you include your personal information so I can send you the prizes, in case you win. I will be offering a Grand Prize and a Consolation Prize, and here’s how it will work: Along with your entry, please indicate your top 3 (or more) choices in prizes, and if you win either the Grand Prize or the Consolation Prize, I’ll try to make sure you get what you want. Obviously if both people winning have the same things on their lists, only the grand prize winner will win those items. It would be helpful if you include an e-mail address, so I can contact you easily to discuss the prizes (and method of shipping, if applicable). I will score the test by giving you one point for every correct answer and half a point if your answer is close or very funny. This does not mean that you should just write funny answers and not really try, but if you want to do that, be aware that comedy is best in small doses. Mix the right answers with funny answers and you’ve got a great shot and taking home the prizes. The person with the highest score on the trivia quiz will win 75% of the prizes, the person with the second highest score will get the remaining 25%. In addition, and this is just to give you extra incentive to at least make an attempt, I’ll choose two entries at random and give them at least one prize from their wish list along with some mystery prizes.
I honestly expect that the winning score will get maybe 20 or 25 (out of 50) of the answers right. Many of the answers can be found with a small amount of research and all of the other questions that seem hard actually aren’t, if you keep a few things in mind. I only write about people I like and I only know trivial crap about things that interest me. There are no trick questions, every single question has one and only one possible answer, but if you can make a case for your answer, feel free to back it up, just don’t go overboard, okay? I’ve also included a few multiple-choice questions so at least you have a shot at those. I really want you all to try. I won’t make fun of you, I won’t print anyone’s dumb answers and I hope that I’ll be able to print correct, reader-submitted answers for all the questions. In Negative Capability #3, not only will I answer all these questions, I’ll give you more information than you ever thought possible for all of them.
The Questions
For my Mac-using friends:
1) What does this symbol (at right) from the command key (on the Apple keyboard) mean? What I mean is, the guys (actually, it was a woman, I’m told) at Apple saw that symbol and decided to use it on the keyboard, but where did they get it from?
For my pals who watch too much TV (and cartoons):
2) Who was the voice of Butt-head’s dad in Beavis & Butt-head Do America?
3) (from the Simpsons) Why can’t the Frinkiac-7 be used for dating?
4) What is Space Ghost’s real name? I will accept variations on the spelling.
5) What brand of cigarettes does Cancer Man smoke?
6) According to David Duchovny, what religion is Fox Mulder by birth?
7) What old Fox TV show featured three funny fat white girls living together?
For my friends who like to watch nature specials about animals:
8) According to a Discovery Channel TV special, what is “The Meanest Animal in the World”?
For those of you who pay attention to details:
9) In the TV show of the same name, what office does the Prisoner run for?
10) What is James Kirk’s middle name?
Movies & Cinema & Film
11) What one interesting and unusual thing do Elvis Presley and Linda Hamilton have in common (besides making movies, you simpleton)?
12) What is Spike Lee’s real name?
13) There is one Coen brothers movie, besides The Hudsucker Proxy, that featured someone who worked at Hudsucker Industries. What I want to know is, which character worked for Hudsucker and which movie was it?
14) What is Albert Brooks’ real name and who is his famous brother? (you can get partial credit)
15) What is director Spike Jonze’s real name?
16) Using only two people, what is the connection between the band Radiohead and the movie Blade Runner?
17) What film director said, “I don’t know how much a movie should entertain. I’m always interested in movies that scar...”?
18) What is the exact password that Matthew Broderick uses to get into the supercomputer in the movie WarGames?
19) In what movie was the line, “College is like high school with ashtrays”?
20) Who is the only character in Tekken 2 that you can play as in the exact same outfit as your opponent when playing against the computer?
21) What comedian plans to write a book called Autobiography Of A Dick?
22) What were Blur called originally?
23) What author has described his own face as “a bag of genitals”?
24) What is the name of Titanic’s sister ship, and where is the ship today (not too specific)?
25) What is the square root of -1?
26) Ed Zulli is the real name of what nationally syndicated columnist?
27) Who was Matt Groening trying to draw when he came up with Akbar and Jeff from Life in Hell?
We’re the Jews that run everything and own your ass:
28) What NY Jew helped create PaRappa the Rapper for the Sony PlayStation?
29) What NY Jew played Krusty the Klown’s father on The Simpsons?
30) What NY Jew was the first person to have the number one morning radio show in New York and Los Angeles at the same time?
31) What NY Jew publishes Screw?
32) What NY Jew had the most popular comedy on television during the 97-98 season?
33) What NY Jew are you going to leave all your money to because his zine is so fucking awesome and by signing here you hereby declare that your possessions shall become his irrevocably upon the occasion of your death?
Sign Here X___________________________
You Can Quote Me:
34) Name the person being spoken about in this quote by Graham Linehan, a British journalist, “[He] lives in America, which is a satirist’s dream. The eternal silliness of life is constantly in front of you. He’s definitely a liberal and a moralist to some extent, but he makes fun of them. He attacks every subject from within, so at the end of it, the thing you come away with is not that you should think one way or another, but that you should think more intelligently about what’s being discussed. He’s a true satirist because he hates everything and finds it worthless, but he can be very joyful and warm, too.”
The Multiple Choice Questions:
35) David Bowie was forced to change his original surname to Bowie because there was already a popular singer in a band who was born with the same name. What band was that person in?
A) The Turtles B) Pink Floyd C) The Byrds D) The Monkees
36) Before Jane’s Addiction was officially over they did a cover of the song “Ripple” which was originally recorded by which band?
A) The Beatles B) The Grateful Dead C) Led Zeppelin D) AC/DC
37) If the Artist Formerly Known As Prince were forced to join a band that used his given last name, who would his bandmates be?
A) Zac, Tyler and Isaac HANSON B) Wendy and Carnie WILSON
C) Gunnar and Matthew NELSON D) Michael and Tito JACKSON
38) Juan Garcia Esquivel, king of the Space Age Bachelor Pad, is from what country?
A) Mexico B) Spain C) Cuba D) Brazil
39) Before forming the band New Order, Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Stephen Morris were all in Joy Division. Before forming Joy Division, what was the name of their band?
A) Berlin B) Warsaw C) Amsterdam D) London
40) Which of the following has NEVER recorded a song with the word “nigger” in the title?
A) John Lennon B) Mötley Crüe C) Boris Gardner D) Patti Smith
41) Sometimes an artist will re-record a popular song in a foreign language, though it is getting more rare. Which of thefollowing songs does NOT actually exist?
A) David Bowie singing “Heroes” in German B) John Lennon singing “Instant Karma!” in French
C) Robyn Hitchcock singing “Alright Yeah” in Swedish D) The Police singing “De Doo Doo De Da Da Da” in Japanese
Rockers can’t act & vice-versa:
Every actor thinks they can rock, just like every rocker thinks they can act. Except for Bowie, they’re all dead fucking wrong. I’ll name the actor, you name the band they were in.
42) Johnny Depp
43) Keanu Reeves
44) River Phoenix
45) Bill Paxton
For all my peeps livin’ large in NYMuthafuckin’C:
46) Why is the sidewalk permanently closed on the northeast corner of 38th St. & Lexington Avenue?
47) What is at the southernmost point of Lexington Avenue?
48) What is at the northernmost point of Irving Place?
49) What is the only privately owned park on the island of Manhattan?
For anyone who remembers:
50) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
For my next issue, I’ve already got an even harder quiz lined up and the prizes will include a ton of great prizes. If you want to check it out, please click here but I should warn you that the new contest is also over and I don’t know if I’ll be doing any more contests because the response has been disappointing.
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