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Something for Nothing, Almost
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED.
{I’ve decided to run the full picture of Liz Taylor, because I love you all so deeply)
Here is a picture of some nice old celebrity boobies. Name the owner, and you will win a floppy full of celeb nudes (please specify Mac or Windoze, because as a proud Mac owner, I can do both in a pinch, goddammit). Every single person that gets it right will win the floppy, and one of those winners (chosen at random by me!) will win the “Bonus Porno Prize Package” which includes body jewelry, a porno mag, a porno video and a mystery prize. You must include an age statement with every entry, on the off chance that you win. The pics you will get include Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell and Michelle Pfeiffer, plus many other really unusual ones that are sure to make you happy and/or very ill. No hints, either, so don’t bother asking. Okay, one hint: I would never fuck this woman because to me she was never hot, but others might like to get a piece of Hollywood history. Also, I would like to put out a call to see if anyone has porno featuring women with mastectomies or amputations. I have seen pregnant, animal, bondage, you name it. Those two are the only things I have never seen in porno, and because I haven’t seen them, I would like to. Make that happen for me, and I promise to reward you handsomely. Make sure everyone in the flick is over eighteen, because quite frankly, I have no desire to be raped in jail, I am too pretty.
I have a couple of really cool books, one all about Howard Stern, another about Origami (including instructions and pages with fold marks, to make your own!) and some other mystery prizes that are very valuable and interesting, and I would like to share them with you. In order to take them off my hands, you have to tell me the name of the movie that this zine takes its title from. The words are seen as text during one particular movie. When I was trying to come up with a title for the zine, I saw this movie again on TV, and thought it was perfect. Recently I did a search on Amazon.com and found two books with Neg Cap in the title, one from 1939 and one from the 60’s, so maybe it means more than even I realize. It would also help if you tell me what the text in the film refers to, though it is not required to win. It will, however, propel me into a really fascinating discussion of all the other titles that got flushed because they weren’t as good.
I will give some cool cards and other kinds of stationery as well as matching envelopes (not too girly) to the person who can answer this rather trite and silly question. There was a band in the 80’s that had a hit with “AEIOU Sometimes Y” that was called Ebn-Ozn. What I want to know is, where did they get their name from? You must be very specific, you can’t just say, “They heard it somewhere.”
Hey, let’s talk about band names some more. I never liked Nirvana, and don’t like the Foo Fighters. That doesn’t matter, really. My question is: What exactly is a Foo Fighter? What I mean is, they took their name from a real thing, and what was that thing? I will give some CDs for this one, at least three that are good. These are CDs I have paid for with my own hard-earned dollars, so don’t think for a second that I am spreading some free promo crap.
On page forty-three of NC1 is a list of a whole bunch of my favorite cover songs. Only one song on that list is made up (meaning as far as I know, it has never been played or recorded, because I made it up). Name it and you get two free tapes of covers! Also, you should click the link if you’re at all interested in trading tapes of cover songs with me!
Since the contest is closed, there are some winners. If you’d like to read about these fine and upstanding people, please click here.
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