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My Life As a Pedophile/Fitness Instructor/Bisexual/Porn Star
When I posted my story about Idiot Savants on AOL (See “More Savant Than Idiot” in the print version of Negative Capability #1), I got many responses. Most people that wrote were inarticulate but they offered to help any way they could, so I was grateful and polite. Once, while I was online, I got an IM from someone named Childpl696 saying that they read my posting and felt really bad for me. By then I already had my tape, so I wasn’t really interested in re-hashing something that was no longer actively annoying me. Childpl696 was articulate, well-spoken, and made their case on my behalf with clarity and precision. After a few minutes I was bored talking about it and decided to go. I said, “Thanks for talking, dude, what’s your name, anyway?” She wrote, “Sara.” I was shocked.
The person I was talking to wrote like me, not like a girl. So I said, “How old are you?” And she said, “How old do you think I am?” “24,” I guessed. She liked that a whole lot. “I’m 13,” she said.
I thought it was really odd that a thirteen-year-old would have been into Idiot Savants, a show that was too clever for its target audience (nominally educated, horny teenage boys) by a mile. She told me she used to watch it all the time, and even though she didn’t remember my appearance, she liked the show and did very well when playing at home.
We got to talking and she told me that she lived with her mom and her mom’s boyfriend Jason in Hawaii. Jason had two screennames, she had found the password to one, and while everyone was away, she would sign on to AOL. That’s pretty impressive, I thought. Then she said that she had been having online relationships with older guys. That was kind of shocking, because I figured that any guy who knowingly had a sexual relationship with a thirteen-year-old would have to be pretty twisted, even if the relationship was only online. As it turns out, all the guys she was talking to thought she was nineteen. They also thought that she was pretty hot, because she was sending them a picture of a girl wearing a short skirt and heels, pulling the skirt down at the back to showcase her tight ass. And what else was she telling these guys? Well, she was bored, smart, and alone so she came up with some pretty outlandish stuff. She was working in a record store to pay her way through college. She was pregnant and the father had left her. Whatever came to mind came out in conversation.
I asked why she was telling me all of this. She told me that she didn’t know, she was just happy that I didn’t reject her because she was only thirteen. I told her that I have met so few people online who can spell, much less offer an original thought, that it didn’t matter how old she was.
Once, in conversation, she called herself the wrong name, and I confronted her. It turns out her real name is Priscilla, a name she is not fond of. Once I caught her in a small lie, I realized that the rest of her story, including the revelations and guilt, could all be part of another sick joke. It could be some fat jackoff in Albany, pretending to be a contrite little girl in Hawaii.
At the time, my job was very boring. There wasn’t nearly enough work for me to do in a day. I tried slowing down, but even that got boring. My boss was in his eighties and didn’t know a thing about computers. From a distance, AOL looks like it could be work, and as long as the keys keep clicking away, he would never be any wiser. So I would spend my days online, looking for people I knew, harassing people I didn’t know, and reading magazines. During those long summer days, I kept talking to Priscilla, because she was funny, she was bored, and she thought I was very interesting.
As time passed, I began to see her as a younger version of myself. When I was thirteen, I had a BBS running off my Commodore 64, I was trying to run some minor credit card scams, I was skateboarding and I was starting to think more seriously about girls. I also didn’t know anyone that thought I was as smart as I thought I was, everyone always treated me like a kid. I decided it would be best to treat Priscilla as an equal, because there was no reason not to. If I had had AOL at that age, I would have been going nuts fucking with people all day. Actually, I am twenty-eight, and I still enjoy fucking with people on AOL.
I wanted to know about the games she had been playing with other people, and she was more than eager to confess. There was one guy she had been toying with for some time, giving him the impression that she would be coming to see him in person soon. She was feeling very guilty about everything she had done, because I showed her that there were people who would like her for who she was, not who she pretended to be. She wanted to find out for herself, but she was terrified that people would get mad at her. I explained that fucking with someone on AOL is not a crime, and the person she fucked with would have no recourse whatsoever. In addition, if the person didn’t want to be her friend knowing the truth, she didn’t need them as friends.
After some thought she decided to start telling the truth to her online pals. SpoonyBard (I have no idea what it means either) was the first victim. I was going to run the transcript but I am not because a) it is too long b) the funny part was in the quickness of the comments, not in what they were and c) I can tell the result a lot faster. He said he didn’t care, he was a little disappointed (you saw the picture and can imagine what she promised the poor schmuck), but generally he thought it was okay. I am pretty sure he wasn’t serious about wanting to remain friends with her (which is what he said, but not what he later did), but once he knew the truth about her, it wasn’t fun for her anymore either.
Toward the end of the summer she told me that she was going to be going to her grandmother’s house in Virginia and wouldn’t be back for some time. She said she would keep in touch with me and be back soon enough.
For the hell of it she told me that her mom’s boyfriend’s screenname was Plug Nut, and that she knew he was making dates and cheating on her mom. I thought that was pretty sad, but I didn’t think I could do anything about it. Then it occurred to me that if the guy was as dumb as she said, he would fall for anything I told him. I could trick him into falling for me, if I posed as a woman, then I could send the transcripts to her mom and the douche would be out of their lives forever. I told Priscilla that I would think of a cool screenname, make a profile that made me seem kind of slutty, and try to make a move on Jason.
About a week before she was going to leave, she dropped this on me:
Jøsh—
I love you. I don’t know how long ago I realized that, but I know for sure now. I’m not sure why. You’re just so WaCkY and kEwL. But you already know all that, right? Unless you thought it was a joke, everything I talked to you about and wrote in that letter was real. Just in case you didn’t know, it WAS all the truth. You might have thought it was a cute game I was playing with you, but it wasn’t. I swear on my life. I don’t know how it happened, and I’ve been trying to figure it out. Nothing associated with you is easy to figure out, though. I don’t get it. I guess it’s all just part of my fantasy I told you about. I guess AOL is just a big fantasy world for people like me to escape to and live out their fantasies. But I know it’s more than that with you. It’s hard to explain. Anyway, doesn’t all this sound repetitive compared to my first letter? Well, I just can’t stop gushing. It’s very common for a 13 year old to fall in love with an older person, but not vice versa. I’ve heard of it happening though, like in Kentucky and stuff. If you feel the same, I want to know. If you think I’m an idiot I would rather hear that than not know at all, or worse, have you lie to me to make me feel better. You understand that don’t you??? AHHHHHH!!! In a way, I wish I hadn’t met you, so I wouldn’t be having all this stress. No, that’s not true, because I wouldn’t have had such a wonderful experience either. I’m being serious about this. This is not a joke. Okay? :-)
P.S. Don’t forget to hassle Jason...remember PLUG NUT. He should be online most of the day tomorrow. Don’t give him ANY clue about me, ok? He likes Asian girls.
When I tried to reply, there was no answer. Then I got a worried letter where she said that she thought her mom’s boyfriend was getting suspicious so I shouldn’t send any more mail to that name. Then she disappeared. Then the name got deleted.
At first I thought that she had just gone away, like she said. Then I thought maybe something I had sent was in the old mail section and Jason had discovered her and she was in deep trouble. Then I thought even worse things. I was worried that something bad had happened, and resolved to get into Jason’s head to figure things out.
Unfortunately for all concerned, Jason is one of the single stupidest people I have ever spoken to. I created the screen name LeiMeNow (though I thought about being AlohaBabe and HIUCanDoMe, HI being the abbreviation for Hawaii) and decided that I needed a picture to go with the profile. I cruised into Wilhelmina modeling agency’s area (which is no longer on AOL, sorry!) and tried to find a model who was hot, but not a supermodel. I found a nice young model named Cheryl, from New Jersey, who had four distinct, but attractive pictures. I downloaded them all, renamed them with my new name, Anastasia, and got to work.
It took me a few days to find Jason, probably because of the time difference. As soon as I saw he was online, I went to the room and made small talk with the others, hoping he might make the first move and thereby remove all suspicion. He was clueless. So I IMed him and said hello. His grammar made me cringe. His conversation stultified me. His lies came fast and furious. He said he used to have a girlfriend but she had gone to the mainland for college, and now he was looking for someone new. He admitted that he drove an airport bus and that he liked hot chicks. I sent him the first picture, and the hook was set. He sent me a picture he claimed was him, but the guy in the picture looked like he was a chromosome shy of a full deck. Priscilla told me that in reality Jason was more than 300 pounds, and the tard in the photo was no more than 150 pounds.
After the first meeting I would see him online from time to time and chat with him about whatever retarded topic was on his mind. It was like being with a mental patient, I never knew what the fuck he was talking about. I thought about asking about Priscilla, because once or twice I thought maybe the whole thing had been Jason pretending to be a thirteen year old girl. That didn’t make any logical sense, and besides, Priscilla could spell, Jason could not.
I wanted to send something to Priscilla to let her know that I was thinking about her, but I was afraid anything with a New York postmark might come under suspicion. I thought about calling, so I asked Jason for his number. Instead, the cocksucker gave me his pager number.
I decided to invite him out for a night on the town, with a girl I claimed to have slept with, to see if maybe we couldn’t get a threesome together. I asked for his number, because we were going to have to call while we were out. Reluctantly he gave me his number, with a warning that many people lived in his house, and I should only call during certain hours.
I called the next day, hours before he told me to, just to see if I could get Priscilla on the phone. I figured after she recovered from the shock, she would admire my brilliant conniving. When I called I spoke to her little brother, who must have been about four or five. I asked politely for Priscilla, in my best little kid’s voice. The boy said that she wasn’t there and didn’t know when she would be back. The way he said it made it sound like I may have had the wrong number or something, so I was reluctant to call back. I figured Jason had given me a wrong number to slow me down, but as it turns out, it was the right number all along.
After that, I rarely saw Jason online, and when I did, he just annoyed me with his stupidity. Ever time, he would make plans with me, I would agree, then tell him someone died, or I had to work, or my car broke down. Every time he said he would wait as long as it took for me to come meet him. The whole game went from being kind of fun to depressing and I realized that I wanted to cut my losses and forget the whole thing.
Since then, I have had a few conversations with Jason, and I was so sick of wasting time talking to him, because, to be honest, it’s only fun to torment someone who knows they’re being tormented. Poor Jason is just so fucking inept and slow that even when I would say, in no uncertain terms, that he was a nitwit, he would just lumber on, making clumsy passes. Finally, I just got sick to death of him, and had it out. Here’s most of that conversation:
PLUG NUT: sup!
Lei Me Now: how are your kids?
PLUG NUT: umm! what kids and hey! WHO are you?
Lei Me Now: i went down to the hall of records i looked you up... two sons, huh?
Lei Me Now: cat got your tongue?
PLUG NUT: umm! nope.. maybe??? but anyways dam who are you and what you wan’t?
Lei Me Now: i want you to admit that you’re a liar, that you have two sons, and that you’re sorry for being unfaithful.
Lei Me Now: my name is Anastasia Marsei, I am in the phone book.
PLUG NUT: if you don’t wan’t to meet hey! live me alone. so you like to talk me on the phone about this?
Lei Me Now: i just told you what i want. if you don’t want to admit what you’ve done, fine. I can send a copy of this transcript to your girlfriend and you can discuss it with her.
PLUG NUT: ah! what ever you wan’t to do???
Lei Me Now: admit what you’ve done and apologize, jason.
PLUG NUT: of what??...Hey! i got nothing with her...Hey lets talk it over the phone..
Lei Me Now: this is your last chance, or i will be mailing the transcripts, including your letters & chat sessions. or maybe i will just call her later or next time you’re at work
Lei Me Now: ADMIT IT!! YOU LIED!!
PLUG NUT: up to you.. cause i don’t even know you.
Lei Me Now: if you admit it, i will leave you and her and your two kids alone, if not, i will ruin you. your choice, jason. you may lose custody of bryston and alan. time to admit it, and apologize
PLUG NUT: Hey! up to you. So do you wan’t to talk it over the phone? Lei Me Now: why do you spell want with an apostrophe? it’s WANT not WAN’T
PLUG NUT: well do you like to talk it over the phone?
Lei Me Now: are you completely retarded? what are you going to say on the phone that you can’t say right here? did you ever finish high school? do you care that you are hurting your own family by running around online trying to meet girls? if i don’t see you type: I AM SORRY AND I LIED in the next two minutes, i am signing off and i will ruin your life.
PLUG NUT: no.. im not retarded. i would like to talk on it over the phone.
Lei Me Now: you can’t spell, you make no sense, and you don’t understand anything that i am saying.
PLUG NUT: and if you do can we meet? Lei Me Now: of course.
PLUG NUT: ok sound good
Lei Me Now: ADMIT IT!!!!!!!
PLUG NUT: what ever!!
Lei Me Now: okay, fat boy, that’s it. it’s all over, i am going to fuck you so hard, then i am going to chop your head off
PLUG NUT: Hey! wait a min.. i like call you..
Lei Me Now: tell me now, then i’ll give my #.
PLUG NUT: YEAH! maybe you give me wrong number..
PLUG NUT: Hey i look in phone book theres knoe last name by your last name.. wus up? Lei Me Now: hey! i looked in your house and i saw your girlfriend and two sons, wus up? i feel bad for all of them because they have to live with a big fat stupid loser like you.
PLUG NUT: wow.. so know think i’m with her if you know me i their for the kids.
Lei Me Now: i am never going to meet you, jason. i know what you look like, and you are repulsive. i would never waste my time with a guy who cheats on his own family. i pity you, because you have no soul, no heart, and one day every evil thing you have done will come back to you. see you in hell, fat boy
PLUG NUT: Hey! just to let you know that i not married and also some where around this year i well move back to kauai Lei Me Now: bye jason
PLUG NUT: Hey so are you going give me your number? just to let you know only me well be moving. Lei Me Now: I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MY NUMBER BECAUSE YOU WON’T ADMIT THAT YOU LIED TO ME!!!!
PLUG NUT: ok i lie.
Lei Me Now: you have 2 sons? I SAW THE BIRTH CERTIFICATES WITH YOUR NAME.
PLUG NUT: just to let you knoe i have only one of my name on the Birth Cartificates.
Lei Me Now: okay.. my # is (808) 758-6514
PLUG NUT: umm! is this a Honolulu number? Lei Me Now: no, it’s a tokyo number. i have to go now, i have a date with a cute guy, not like you. i can’t believe how stupid you are.
PLUG NUT: so when can i call?
Lei Me Now: you really are a pathetic loser, aren’t you? call when you want to have sex or when hell freezes over, whichever comes last.
PLUG NUT: eh i thought things is cool? about the sex part?
Lei Me Now: sure jason.
After that, I confronted him one last time, and for some reason, he had actually asked his girlfriend if she knew me. Of course she had never heard of me, so Jason, using all of his mighty brain power, deduced that I was his girlfriend’s sister, Brenda. I decided not to argue with him and end things by admitting that in fact I am Brenda, and that I was never going to meet him. He was very relieved, which is just super. He said he was going to break up with Priscilla’s mom and move, and maybe take the kids, in the next year. His reason was that she won’t sleep with him. I suggested that maybe he could lose some weight, and he agreed. I will miss him like I would miss a sore in my mouth. Then, a few days letter, I got this scared letter from Priscilla, which I found pretty funny:
Jøsh-
I found a printout of a conversation you had with Jason yesterday. Oh, Lord! I think you went too far. Please stop talking to him. Jason may be stupid, but my mom is not quite as brainless. If he really told her about you, she could probably make the connection that i’m in on this somehow if she thought about it long enough. Now Jason thinks you’re my aunt Brenda, but if he talked to her and found out it wasn’t her, they would think something’s fishy. Why’d you have to go so far? It may be fun for you, but it won’t be fun for me if I get in trouble for this. PLEASE STOP THIS GAME NOW! Tell him you were lying about everything, and you’re sorry, and you want to go your separate ways or else just DO NOT TALK TO HIM ANYMORE. This game you have going with him is freaking me out.
I apologized and said that I had already ended it with Jason and now everything’s cool.
I have gone online sometimes as LeiMeNow to cruise the lesbian rooms to talk to girls. I blended in pretty easily. Whenever someone said they wanted to have cybersex with me, I would give them a quiz to make sure they were actually girls. I used to write for a trade paper about the intimate apparel industry (yes, women’s underwear and bras, day in and day out, for almost three years), so I knew all the terminology and brand names, as any girl would. Of course, most guys couldn’t pass my quiz by naming three different bra makers, and that eliminated them from my cybertwat action. Once in a while I would try to have cybersex with girls, but most of the time I was at work. I never got turned on doing it, I just thought it was the funniest thing in the world and it helped the time pass more quickly.
On a few occasions I would start getting into something sexual, and the person I was doing it with would use some bad grammar, or some annoying wigger phrase, and that would be it. I would leave without a word. Other times horny guys would try to get into it with me, and I would play along until it was getting good, then I would tell them that I was a guy and that they were gay. That got me some cool hate mail, which I promptly forward to AOL to report them. Works like a charm to piss people off even more. Like I care.
Then I decided to add a Love @ AOL profile (Keyword: Love@AOL), where you can post a picture along with a short bio. I took Cheryl’s hottest pic and went to work. After that I got at least seven or eight e-mails a day until I wanted to puke from all the losers. I got sick of the mail from guys, so I changed the profile to say that I was only interested in women and that I was a fitness instructor and a massage therapist. For some reason, the idea that I was bi generated even more mail, especially from guys, who wanted me to jump their girlfriends while they jerked off and watched. Sounds hot, right? I ignored almost everyone that wrote.
Some weeks later, I got a letter in the mail, six letters in one envelope, actually, with a Hawaiian postmark. I ran upstairs and opened them and sure enough they were from Priscilla. She was back in Hawaii after some trying times, and wanted me to know that she was okay. It was very important to her that we continue to correspond, because for some sick reason, she thinks I have something I can teach her. As much as I try to warn her that I am a sick, cynical prick, she seems to think I am sweet, kind and funny. I wrote back soon after and sent her a nice package full of promotional stuff, stickers and a brief letter welcoming her back into my life. I also included the password for one of my screennames, so we could chat online.
The next weekend I found her online as me, hanging out with the other kids in a Hanson room. She was a little surprised to run into me so soon, and we chatted amicably. It was a little awkward at first, because our circumstances have both changed. The company I worked for at the time was seized by the IRS and put out of business, freeing me up to finally rip out this motherfucking zine, goddammit! She couldn’t be free to chat because she was staying with her dad during the week, and her mom on the weekends. She had to wait until they went away to sneak online and talk to me.
So we are talking again, exchanging mail, everything. I don’t talk to her during the week, but I really should be working on my zine instead, right?
Just to give you an idea of what she writes like (and you can decide for yourself if she seems thirteen) here is her response to a letter from me, where I called her “Cilla” as a reference to the King, Elvis:
Dear Jøsh-
Hey... got your mail. OHHHHH!!!! I’ve been really fucked over this week (NOT literally)... I am so bad. My life is suckier than ever. I’m ready to leap out of this nest of parents and school and leap into Real True Hard Miserable Life Experience. Fact is, I feel as if I’ve already leaped, and fickle, malign fate has dropped me back into the parental pot for another five years. I’m still getting reverberations from the summer, still mulling over everything. I’m a Principled Person (but confused when I don’t have principles to guide me. Principles got slightly trampled on a certain night recently.) I’m the Observer and Dreamer (Good when the dreaming is imagination, bad when it leads me astray. Did I make a fool of myself with you too often? No comment necessary). I’m also Ambition and Energy, which unfortunately collides and clashes with anything that presents itself as an obstacle to me. And I only want to be left alone to do what I can do so well (not sure what that is yet). For the time being I’ve got my wish. How long will that last, I wonder. Well, anyway, catch you tomorrow at some time between 3-5 pm otay? Hopefully...damn! life is so unpredictable. I may just drop dead at 2:59 tomorrow. hopefully not... buh-bye now...
While all of this was going on, I was getting other letters from girls who were curious and thought they might be bi. They found me (as Ana) very attractive and sought my counsel eagerly.
JenjenofOZ wrote to me and said that she was just bursting to try sex with a woman. Apparently she had a woman in mind, but wasn’t sure how to approach it. I told her to be specific and I would see if I could help. Here’s her letter:
Ana:
I have a few minutes before I leave. Please help me as I am serious. How does a woman go about finding out if another woman is bi? (without getting slapped or rediculed [sic] throughout the town?) This hasn’t happened to me......yet. I figured I’m safe with AOL as you have said your preference. When I said I was busting.... I truly am!! I want so badly to make love to a woman. My hormones are going absolutely nuts these days. Last night I rented XXX movies about women. Beautiful, very very! Ana, I’m not a kook.... women are so very sexy. So tiger like! I want to give that part of me to someone before I die. (No, I’m not dieing [sic] now, but before I do!!!!) Or at least before I get: baggy, saggy, draggy and gaggy! : ) Talk to you later.
Your new AOL friend.....Jenny
Sure, her grammar and spelling are heinous, but her enthusiasm made me want to write back.
dear jen-
i guess when i first discovered that i was bi, it wasn’t really a matter of me finding other women. what happened was, a woman that i was friends with and found attractive came on to me. it was when i realized that i liked it so much that i knew what i wanted.... there are many women out there with the same feelings, yourself included, who are interested in experimenting. they are in the same boat as you are.... so, to figure out what you could say, imagine yourself as a woman who was attracted to you, and ask yourself how you would like to be approached. maybe go out for a night of fun, drink a little (it helps other people to be a little less uptight about it) and maybe at the end of the night, if you end up close, together, and without men, you could make a small move.... how i would do it would be to do something that evening that left both of you turned on, but unsatisfied.... i think sometimes when you say to another woman that you are attracted to them, they get scared, they get turned on, and they start to worry about what other people think.... i always feel it is better to try to send out signals.... if you go to a strip show, or to see a sexy movie (i recommend maybe a night at home on the couch with some drinks and the movie Bound) you could always try starting with a massage or something like that, to get the physical contact started, and go from there.... if you ask most women, they only like men, but if you get them comfortable and kiss them, they’ll decide differently....
I also got a truckload of letters from horny guys every day. It didn’t matter that my profile said I wanted women. It made no difference that I (as Ana) was out of everyone’s league. The letters just came and came.
Some total jerkoff with the name “BigErns007” sent me two letters in one day, a few minutes apart. Please write to him, ladies, because he is hung. Or at least he should be. I was going to put “[sic]” all over his letter, but if you can’t see the mistakes yourself, I can’t help you any more. The only thing I did to change it was to take out extra periods and spaces because they caused weird line breaks.
HEY.....WASSUP? YOUR HOT! I HAVE TO SAY I AM IMPRESSED.....I NOW HAVE A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE ON WEB SIGHTS.........IM 21/M VERRY HOT IM 5’11, MAYBE 6 FT WHO’S COUNTING REALLLY..... I MEAN OTHER THAN MY MOM.........YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE.. ......I DONT HAVE A PICTURE TODAY BUT,IF YOU EMAIL ME SOME GOOD STUFF ILL SET ONE UP........ OH,SHIT...... HAZEL EYES BROWN HAIR........ GREAT ASS!!!!!!......PLUS THE I,INTELLIGENT! I AM A COLLEGE GRAD....... U.F. GATOR.... AND I LIKE HOT GIRLS.........I LIKE THE PROFILE..... BIG ERN’S....
P.S IM HUNG.....
And then, letter #2
HEY WHATS UP ANA? I SENT YOU AN E-MAIL NUT, I THINK MY HOST DROP ME.............I HADNT READ YOUR WOMEN ONLY INTEREST..........I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE FOR CHOCH!...I LIKE PRETTY CHOCH, THATS WHY IM WRITTING YOU....I GUARANTEE I HAVE BETTER QUALTIES THEN ANY MAN IN MIAMI...... HOPING YOUR IN MIAMI...... ANYWAYS,I EAT ASSCUNTA AND I GUARANTEE YOU SOME FUN FREAKY SEX,AND IM HOT 100% GUARANTEED..IN ADDITION IM A COLLEGE GRAD.....THIS PAST SUMMER.......I WILL SEND YOU A PICTURE AFTER YOU EMAIL ME A GO! .......BIG ERN’S........
P.S IM HUNG............
I don’t know what he means by “I EAT ASSCUNTA” but it sure sounds hot. I forwarded both his letters to AOL so they could kick him off, so blame me if you can’t get a piece of his action. I can’t believe people as dumb as this can get into college. This guy has been such an inspiration to me and Juli that to this day, we often say that we want asscunta for dinner. I actually namd a plant that I had after him, but the plant died. I also discovered where he got his name from when watching a movie on TV. In Kingpin, Bill Murray plays a creepy old bowling champ named Ernie “Big Erns” McCracken and I assume the 007 is James Bond. OMIGOSH! As I started typing the last sentence, I was listening to my entire iTunes library in shuffle mode. I have more than 10,000 songs in my library and literally as I was typing the word Kingpin, the song “But Anyway” by Blues Traveler came on. I have 3 different versions of that song, but the version that came up was the one from the soundtrack to KINGPIN!!! What the hell does that mean?
I’d also like to give a special commendation to the single stupidest person that wrote. His scrennname is “RBesher” (real name: Danny), and he attached a picture of himself with this lovely note (I swear I did not doctor this at all):
your so fuckin prety i wished you liked men too you look like a model and if i ever seen you inperson i would have to try to comb on to you because cumming in your sexy body would be the alttimate clymax
Holy shit that guy is retarded. I can’t imagine that approach working on anyone in the world.
At the same time that Priscilla drifted back into my life, I got a letter from Nici Sterling, a porn star. She saw my personal on AOL and asked me if I might be interested in being in some movies with her. At first I thought it was a goof, but after thinking about it for a little while, I wanted to try it. I realized that I was unemployed and I was having trouble finding something else to do. I’m not shy about sex, and could probably perform for the cameras. Then I realized something awful: I’m a guy, and she wants that hot model to do porno, not me. That didn’t stop me. I thought I could trick her into sending me some of her porno movies, just so I could get an idea of what she wanted me to do.
Once I told her I was interested, she gave me the straight dope. I could start out just doing a video by myself where I would strip (to music if I wanted) and then masturbate to climax. That sounded pretty easy. Then I could do some girl on girl stuff, and then graduate to a man. I told her that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do a porno movie with a guy, but she said that in order to make it in the business, I would have to do at least two of the following three: girl on girl, anal sex, or facial come-shots. If I could do all three, I might someday be on her level.
I waited a few days to reply, to make it seem like I was really mulling it over. I wrote back and said that I was afraid that those massive porn-star cocks might hurt my back door. I asked how she got into the business and a few days letter I got this letter:
FROM: NiciSXXX
TO: LeiMeNow
Ana: Let’s meet for an on-line chat soon. Give me some times when you’ll be available, and I’ll write back confirming one of those times. Sounds like we’re at the point where we need to discuss this in much more detail.
My husband works on the production end of adult films, so you wouldn’t know him. He’s never been an adult actor—always behind the scenes, which is just fine with me. He’s very generous sharing me, of course.
I recommend that you rent a variety of porn videos and watch them, Ana, just so you have an idea of what’s popular (hey, there are tougher jobs to have). As I said, girl-girl stuff is great, but if you truly want to be successful, you’ll need to do boy-girl scenes a majority of the time, and I want to make sure you know what’s conventional.
As for how I started, I was in Britain doing photo shoots when an American video director approached me and asked if I’d consider doing porn. I was hesitant at first. Like you, I love sex more than anything, but I had major questions about safety, etc., and I had to reconcile myself to the fact that some people would think less of me for being an adult actress. I knew the money was great, especially for hard workers (and I’ve always worked my buns off doing whatever I’m involved in). So I decided, after some time, to do it, and to do it full blast. I knew I couldn’t be half-interested.
Clearly I made the right decision. I love what I do, I get paid outlandish sums of money, and I’m still able to have a fulfilling relationship with my husband and raise lots of horses. A dream life, really. I know I won’t be able to continue at this pace for long, which is why my hubby and I decided to get started working on the video end of things. That way, when I’m no longer a prime piece of real estate for porn (body-wise), I’ll still be in the business—which is what I know best.
You don’t have to do anal, but it’s good that you may be open to it at some point in the future. Many girls won’t do anal at first, but gradually they get curious enough and try it (and some can’t believe they’ve ever lived without it!). But take it at your pace. No hurry. Do what you feel comfortable doing, and let the rest come naturally. You’re right: some of those cocks are massive, but that’s actually a good thing sometimes. : )
Get in touch; let’s chat.
Nici
I was impressed by her command of the language and how straightforward she was. I don’t think I have ever seen her in a porno movie, but I was hoping she might send me some to enjoy.
A few days ago I finally had a chance to chat with her, here are some highlights from that conversation:
You have just entered “Lei Me Now Chat92”
NiciSxxx: okay...well let’s get right to it...can you give me your vital stats?
Lei Me Now: sure. 5’ 7” 115lbs. i haven’t taken measurements, but i am a 34C
NiciSxxx: sounds good...and where are you?
Lei Me Now: i am in new york city for at least another month
NiciSxxx: have you ever thought about adult films?
Lei Me Now: about being in them? i have had fantasies about it, but i have never thought about pursuing a career in it
NiciSxxx: do you ever watch them?
Lei Me Now: i watch them if someone else gets them for me, but i don’t like the looks i get at the video store. once i bought some by mail order and then i got on every mailing list in the world
NiciSxxx: that happens....did you enjoy them?
Lei Me Now: of course, but i don’t think i have ever seen you though
NiciSxxx: your loss : )
Lei Me Now: i like jenna jameson
NiciSxxx: jenna’s nice, but full of herself : )
Lei Me Now: i don’t know, i have never met her or anything
NiciSxxx: so you have a sense of what’s expected of you then?
Lei Me Now: oh, sure, i am a big girl
NiciSxxx: you’re comfortable with facials?
Lei Me Now: i usually swallow, but not swallowing would be okay too
NiciSxxx: you’d be expected to do both
Lei Me Now: that’s fine
NiciSxxx: what about threesomes... or more?
Lei Me Now: as long as i could meet the other people before in a comfortable setting
Lei Me Now: i don’t think i could just be thrown into a room and be told to fuck everyone in it
NiciSxxx: of course...nothing’s ever a surprise... it’s all scripted
Lei Me Now: you mean it’s written down?
NiciSxxx: not every last detail, but you’d be surprised how scripted it is. it’s still enjoyable, don’t worry : )
Lei Me Now: i probably would be surprised... do you have any scripts?
NiciSxxx: I do in L.A., yes...I can certainly send you one
Lei Me Now: i would like to see one, and maybe a video or two of what you want. then maybe i could make a home video (i have an 8mm video camera) and send it to you as a tryout of sorts, so you can see what i can do, and i can see if i am comfortable with it
NiciSxxx: that probably wouldn’t be necessary, but I would like to see a body pic of you. the first scene we’d do would be you solo....I think I explained that to you. then, if you were comfortable, you and I could do a scene... then we’d let you pick a stud to romp around with in the third scene
Lei Me Now: that sounds like a good plan. i feel so flattered that you picked me
NiciSxxx: you’re gorgeous...that was easy, you also seem to have a porn starlet’s soul [I didn’t realize that porn starlets had souls!—Ed.]
Lei Me Now: awww, that is so sweet. you have very good grammar you know
NiciSxxx: I’m British...I had to learn
NiciSxxx: didn’t I send you a pic yet?
Lei Me Now: NO!
NiciSxxx: okay..I’ll send you a couple.. hold on. it sounds like you’re very interested...is that right?
Lei Me Now: yes, definitely. i swear, i have been thinking about at night, when i’m alone
NiciSxxx: Okay...I’ll be back in L.A. on Oct. 26th...you can call then and we’ll chat.
Lei Me Now: that sounds great!
NiciSxxx: I need your name and phone # for my records
Lei Me Now: Anastasia Marsei, (212) 838-8312 [for the record, this is the junkie’s disconnected number—Jøsh]
NiciSxxx: I won’t call, don’t worry. Where will you be after NY?
Lei Me Now: after NY, i am going to go to LA to stay with my sister and hook up with you. that should be like the early part of november.. then back to hawaii, unless something happens to make me stay :)
NiciSxxx: okay...sounds good. it’s really up to you. someone with your kind of looks can be successful
Lei Me Now: do you think maybe you could send one of your videos and a script for me to look at?
NiciSxxx: sure...address?
Lei Me Now: send it c/o my sister
NiciSxxx: what’s her name? is she interested too?
Lei Me Now: her name is Jenne [that’s true]. she might be interested, but i doubt her husband [lie] would approve!!!!
Lei Me Now: you’re really recruiting, aren’t you!!
NiciSxxx: lol...well, heck, bring the whole family
Lei Me Now: My mom still looks pretty good, she’s only 43.
NiciSxxx: are you worried about what your family will think if they find out?
Lei Me Now: not at all, they have always supported me. i don’t think they would watch, but they would love me no matter what!
NiciSxxx: there’s a real push for older women now, so 43 is certainly not looked down upon : )
Lei Me Now: i’ll bring it up over dinner!
NiciSxxx: LOL okay...well, I need to run, but I’ve put you down as a definite
Lei Me Now: that’s what i want to hear!
NiciSxxx: you can always back out, but I think you’re going to really enjoy yourself. let me just ask you... why do you want to do porn?
Lei Me Now: to tell you the truth, i am always looking for a thrill and i think that would be taking my sex life to the next level
NiciSxxx: that’s a good answer... you’ll find that your sex life will improve dramatically.
NiciSxxx: and, depending how ambitious you are, you’ll make tons of $
Lei Me Now: also, i want to try new things, and if i commit, then i have no choice but to try it. the money would be nice, but really i just want to find a bigger kick
NiciSxxx: how do you like to be made love to?
Lei Me Now: it depends on my mood.
Lei Me Now: the best sex i ever had was very rough, but the times i have had with women have been slow and gentle and loving, and i LOVE that too
NiciSxxx: how rough? what did he do? (I like rough sex too)
Lei Me Now: he used his big hands on me from behind and got me worked up. i couldn’t stop him because it felt good.
NiciSxxx: you mean spanking?
Lei Me Now: he pinned me against a chair
NiciSxxx: mmmm
Lei Me Now: no, he was using his hands on my pussy, really working them in. i like big hands on a man and i got so wet, and right as i was getting revved up, he pulled down his pants and just plunged right in
NiciSxxx: should have captured that on video : )
Lei Me Now: don’t i know it, but i replay it in my head sometimes when i masturbate
NiciSxxx: I’ve had rape fantasies my whole life...depraved, but definitely arousing for me
Lei Me Now: rape implies that i am saying no, but i am sometimes into being a little forced
NiciSxxx: I hear you...would you ever consider a gang bang?
Lei Me Now: maybe i should start out slow, Nici!
NiciSxxx: oh, I didn’t mean NOW
Lei Me Now: i know.... i was just kidding....
Since then she e-mailed that she is sending a video and script when she gets back to L.A. while I try and convince Juli that she should be Ana on the phone, if only for the purposes of finishing the story. Unforunately, she never sent me anything and then her AOL account was closed. I tried to write to her, to call her and even to get in touch with her via her official site at www.nicisterling.com, but I had no luck. Either she got wise to me, or she got bored, or both. Sorry, this story doesn’t provide you with the closure you yearn for. That’s life, baby.
She also sent me some pictures of herself when she first got into porn that I’d like to share, but I think she might have been underage at the time. I also don't want to reward anyone who came to this page look for anything actually related to being a pedophile, because I am not a pedophile, I just liked the title.
Priscilla just sent me a long letter about what’s going on in her life and how she is doing (very well, thanks for asking). I am also working on getting her to write her version of events, which I will edit so I look cool and she looks silly. Or maybe the other way around. No, I’ll just leave it as it is.
I wonder to myself sometimes what the hell is wrong with me. I think it is just a game, and as soon as it ceases to entertain me, I’ll think up a new game. Juli doesn’t seem to mind, though she often wonders aloud about my secret life as a pedophile/bisexual/fitness instructor/porn star. Maybe I could get her into a three-way with Anastasia, I have her home number.
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